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I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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