My boss' voice literally gives me gas
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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