I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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