i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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