I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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