From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
