So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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