Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
