my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
