About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
