I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
