I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
