you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
