did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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