I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
