omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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