Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just high enough for therapy.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
