Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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