I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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