glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm getting married
To pizza
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
