dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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