True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
