I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
