Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
