I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
