So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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