Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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