I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Enjoy the penises
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
