The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
