I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
