Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
