She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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