i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
