I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
