The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
