And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My feet surprised me
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