The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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