Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
