Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
