i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
