I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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