that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
