I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
