i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
