If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
