she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
