She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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