don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
