I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I would ride that face into the sunset
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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