i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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